Softness
Forming deep relational bonds
Having a welcoming responsive spirit
Creating a place to beget and nurture life
Being a helper
Before I talk about which of these is/are challenging for me, I want to talk about the one that jumped out at me that is not difficult for me at all. Each woman in the room took turns admitting her most challenging one. One woman said she has a hard time with "softness", because she sees it as being out of control. Another woman said she has a very hard time forming deep relational bonds, and she explained why. I was surprised to hear her say that. I have heard other women say the same thing. I can't relate. I think I form deep relational bonds sometimes with the first conversation I have with someone. We click and we are instant heart friends. Sometimes, I haven't even met a person and I feel a connection with them, just from reading their blog or following comments on Facebook. I may not yet have a deep relational bond with them, but if it's possible, I reach out to them and a friendship is formed. I sat and thought about all of my friendships and the deep bonds we share and I felt so grateful. Growing up, I didn't have a ton of friends. I had a few good friends, but I wouldn't say I had a "best friend". I never was one to talk on the phone for hours, shop til you drop, or lots of the things girlfriends do. I have memories of riding horses together, riding 4 wheelers, fishing, and mostly sitting on the bed, or on the front porch, or on the dock at the pond, and talking for hours. I hate small talk. I think this is why I don't like being in big crowds. I am more interested in what's going on in your heart, than who did your nails, even though I might comment that I like the color. I like one on one, or very small group settings. That same woman said she loves housekeeping, every little thing about it, down to making her bed in the morning. Again, I can't relate.
The night of the chapter 3 study, I was talking to Mike about it and I showed him the list and asked him what he thought my answer would be. He knows me. First he told me which one I have no trouble with. Then he picked out the two that I have battled our entire marriage. He said what I said in the meeting, almost to the word. 1. Softness. People who don't know me really well might be surprised by this. Often, someone will say to me, "I can't imagine you ever raising your voice." This always puzzles me and makes me wonder if I'm putting forth an image that isn't really me. No. I can be soft. But catch me at the right (or wrong) time, and there's nothing soft about me. I don't like that side of me. 2. Creating a place to beget and nurture life. I wouldn't say I have trouble creating that place. I have tremendous trouble maintaining it. In fact, I lost track of it for years. I love having a clean house. I love having people over. I don't love cleaning. I just hosted a gathering of 17 women in my home. I had a great time, and they all said they did, too. I got several comments about how warm and welcoming my home is. This has not always been the case. This is so encouraging to me. I'm ashamed that I can work for hours and think up creative ways to nurture relationships outside my family, and I haven't put that same effort into creating a warm and welcoming space for my family. I am resolved to make this a priority.
I am really enjoying this study. I encourage you to check out the website, www.truewoman101.com. You can buy the book and do the study on your own, or with a group. I like the group setting. For me, hearing the women talk about the men in their lives, it reminds me that male behavior, whether Godly or sinful, is pretty typical and female behavior is, too. One lady talked about a certain (good) characteristic of her grandfather. She could have been talking about my daddy. Another lady talked about a (bad) characteristic of her ex-husband. She could have been talking about someone else I know. Men were created with certain characteristics and propensities, and when they try to fight them, sin enters the picture, and in many cases, their lives are destroyed, simply because they didn't want to be the man they should be. The same is true for women. God made us. He designed us to look and function according to a pattern. This isn't about who cooks and who mows the lawn. My husband likes to cook. I like to mow. It's not so much about roles, although some are better carried out by one or the other. It's about the programming within us designed by the Creator. We live in a culture that tries to tell us the only differences between men and women are physiological. Basically, for the most part, we are inter-changable. At the same time, there's the underlying theme of strong, intelligent women, and weak, not so intelligent men. And the gay agenda, oh my! Not so, according to the One who created us! It seems to me that those who fight against God's design do so because they have been sinned against and wounded in some way, and living according to it would make them vulnerable to that pain again. If the world really understood God's plan and design for our lives, they would not be able to resist the blessings of embracing it!
Action items: 1. Practice softness. 2. Create a place to nurture the lives I have begotten.
What about you?
The night of the chapter 3 study, I was talking to Mike about it and I showed him the list and asked him what he thought my answer would be. He knows me. First he told me which one I have no trouble with. Then he picked out the two that I have battled our entire marriage. He said what I said in the meeting, almost to the word. 1. Softness. People who don't know me really well might be surprised by this. Often, someone will say to me, "I can't imagine you ever raising your voice." This always puzzles me and makes me wonder if I'm putting forth an image that isn't really me. No. I can be soft. But catch me at the right (or wrong) time, and there's nothing soft about me. I don't like that side of me. 2. Creating a place to beget and nurture life. I wouldn't say I have trouble creating that place. I have tremendous trouble maintaining it. In fact, I lost track of it for years. I love having a clean house. I love having people over. I don't love cleaning. I just hosted a gathering of 17 women in my home. I had a great time, and they all said they did, too. I got several comments about how warm and welcoming my home is. This has not always been the case. This is so encouraging to me. I'm ashamed that I can work for hours and think up creative ways to nurture relationships outside my family, and I haven't put that same effort into creating a warm and welcoming space for my family. I am resolved to make this a priority.
I am really enjoying this study. I encourage you to check out the website, www.truewoman101.com. You can buy the book and do the study on your own, or with a group. I like the group setting. For me, hearing the women talk about the men in their lives, it reminds me that male behavior, whether Godly or sinful, is pretty typical and female behavior is, too. One lady talked about a certain (good) characteristic of her grandfather. She could have been talking about my daddy. Another lady talked about a (bad) characteristic of her ex-husband. She could have been talking about someone else I know. Men were created with certain characteristics and propensities, and when they try to fight them, sin enters the picture, and in many cases, their lives are destroyed, simply because they didn't want to be the man they should be. The same is true for women. God made us. He designed us to look and function according to a pattern. This isn't about who cooks and who mows the lawn. My husband likes to cook. I like to mow. It's not so much about roles, although some are better carried out by one or the other. It's about the programming within us designed by the Creator. We live in a culture that tries to tell us the only differences between men and women are physiological. Basically, for the most part, we are inter-changable. At the same time, there's the underlying theme of strong, intelligent women, and weak, not so intelligent men. And the gay agenda, oh my! Not so, according to the One who created us! It seems to me that those who fight against God's design do so because they have been sinned against and wounded in some way, and living according to it would make them vulnerable to that pain again. If the world really understood God's plan and design for our lives, they would not be able to resist the blessings of embracing it!
Action items: 1. Practice softness. 2. Create a place to nurture the lives I have begotten.
What about you?
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