Thursday, September 20, 2012

Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing. In everything give thanks.



I'm thankful.
I'm thankful, after having my Excursion inspected today, and paying for the inspection, when Buster tried to crank it to back it out of the bay and it wouldn't start, that there was an auto repair shop across the street.
I'm rejoicing that I didn't have to call a tow truck. They just sent a 4-wheeler and pushed it on over.
I'm thankful that Buster let me use his cell phone to call my husband and daughter and leave a message on their cell phones telling them not to return my call because I wasn't taking Buster's phone with me, because I had left my phone at home.
I'm rejoicing that the lady at the repair shop was kind enough to give me a ride to the thrift store where I had dropped off my kids before the inspection, in her new shop car. It was a very nice car that smelled wonderful.
I'm thankful that the thrift store was still open for 2 more hours.
I'm rejoicing that I found a unique little wooden lighthouse to add to my collection, at the thrift store for $1.50.
I'm thankful that we have good friends who live close by who are happy to pick us up and give us a ride home.
I'm rejoicing that the husband in that family has a home based business and was able to drop everything to pick us up, because his wife had just left when I called.
I'm thankful that we have 3 vehicles which are paid for, so that we can save up for emergencies such as this one, and we have a spare which our daughter can use to meet her friend just as she had planned.
I'm rejoicing that my Excursion has served us well for the past 11 years and I'm certain this is just a small hiccup, and we will be back in business in no time.
I'm thankful for my Dave Ramsey envelopes!
Blessings,
Jen



Saturday, September 15, 2012

Characteristics of Womanhood

I've been meeting with a few women on Wednesday mornings recently to study the book, True Woman 101, Divine Design. Last week, we studied chapter 2, Snips and Snails, and learned all about men. (yeah, right) Well, we talked about what God has to say about men, how our culture and hollywood portray men, and how we women see and relate to men. This week, we studied women, namely the various characteristics of women which are different than men. One of the questions at the end of the chapter asks, "Which of these (elements that are at the heart of what it means to be a woman) do you find the most challenging or difficult?"
Softness
Forming deep relational bonds
Having a welcoming responsive spirit
Creating a place to beget and nurture life
Being a helper
Before I talk about which of these is/are challenging for me, I want to talk about the one that jumped out at me that is not difficult for me at all. Each woman in the room took turns admitting her most challenging one. One woman said she has a hard time with "softness", because she sees it as being out of control. Another woman said she has a very hard time forming deep relational bonds, and she explained why. I was surprised to hear her say that. I have heard other women say the same thing. I can't relate. I think I form deep relational bonds sometimes with the first conversation I have with someone. We click and we are instant heart friends. Sometimes, I haven't even met a person and I feel a connection with them, just from reading their blog or following comments on Facebook. I may not yet have a deep relational bond with them, but if it's possible, I reach out to them and a friendship is formed. I sat and thought about all of my friendships and the deep bonds we share and I felt so grateful. Growing up, I didn't have a ton of friends. I had a few good friends, but I wouldn't say I had a "best friend". I never was one to talk on the phone for hours, shop til you drop, or lots of the things girlfriends do. I have memories of riding horses together, riding 4 wheelers, fishing, and mostly sitting on the bed, or on the front porch, or on the dock at the pond, and talking for hours. I hate small talk. I think this is why I don't like being in big crowds. I am more interested in what's going on in your heart, than who did your nails, even though I might comment that I like the color. I like one on one, or very small group settings. That same woman said she loves housekeeping, every little thing about it, down to making her bed in the morning. Again, I can't relate.
The night of the chapter 3 study, I was talking to Mike about it and I showed him the list and asked him what he thought my answer would be. He knows me. First he told me which one I have no trouble with. Then he picked out the two that I have battled our entire marriage. He said what I said in the meeting, almost to the word. 1. Softness. People who don't know me really well might be surprised by this. Often, someone will say to me, "I can't imagine you ever raising your voice." This always puzzles me and makes me wonder if I'm putting forth an image that isn't really me. No. I can be soft. But catch me at the right (or wrong) time, and there's nothing soft about me. I don't like that side of me. 2. Creating a place to beget and nurture life. I wouldn't say I have trouble creating that place. I have tremendous trouble maintaining it. In fact, I lost track of it for years. I love having a clean house. I love having people over. I don't love cleaning. I just hosted a gathering of 17 women in my home. I had a great time, and they all said they did, too. I got several comments about how warm and welcoming my home is. This has not always been the case. This is so encouraging to me. I'm ashamed that I can work for hours and think up creative ways to nurture relationships outside my family, and I haven't put that same effort into creating a warm and welcoming space for my family. I am resolved to make this a priority.
I am really enjoying this study. I encourage you to check out the website, www.truewoman101.com.  You can buy the book and do the study on your own, or with a group. I like the group setting. For me, hearing the women talk about the men in their lives, it reminds me that male behavior, whether Godly or sinful, is pretty typical and female behavior is, too. One lady talked about a certain (good) characteristic of her grandfather. She could have been talking about my daddy. Another lady talked about a (bad) characteristic of her ex-husband. She could have been talking about someone else I know. Men were created with certain characteristics and propensities, and when they try to fight them, sin enters the picture, and in many cases, their lives are destroyed, simply because they didn't want to be the man they should be. The same is true for women. God made us. He designed us to look and function according to a pattern. This isn't about who cooks and who mows the lawn. My husband likes to cook. I like to mow. It's not so much about roles, although some are better carried out by one or the other. It's about the programming within us designed by the Creator. We live in a culture that tries to tell us the only differences between men and women are physiological. Basically, for the most part, we are inter-changable. At the same time, there's the underlying theme of strong, intelligent women, and weak, not so intelligent men. And the gay agenda, oh my! Not so, according to the One who created us! It seems to me that those who fight against God's design do so because they have been sinned against and wounded in some way, and living according to it would make them vulnerable to that pain again. If the world really understood God's plan and design for our lives, they would not be able to resist the blessings of embracing it!
Action items: 1. Practice softness. 2. Create a place to nurture the lives I have begotten.

What about you?



Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Write as if your life depends on it...

So my friend Amy says. "When emotions run so deep, they need a place to go outside of you." I should write more. Maybe I wouldn't yell as much if I wrote more. Maybe I wouldn't have the rare occasion when I completely lose it. Tonight was one of those occasions.
Having a 13 year old boy is not new to me. I've done it three times before. I'm still no good at it. My current 13 year old boy is no different than the others, in that, he is trying hard to work out in his mind whether he should be playing with the matchbox cars or driving a real one. One, he really feels too old for, and the other, well, he is still too young. He did, just the other day, get to sit in the drivers seat with the engine running and his foot on the brake, ease off the brake, and move backwards a few feet. He was happy to announce to anyone who would listen that he had driven a car. I'm not sure his hand ever even touched the steering wheel, but we let him believe he drove. He is in that place that all boys have to get through. Too old for matchbox and too young for the real thing. Too old for mommy kisses and too young to not need mom at all any more. Mom needs wisdom to know that this is just as difficult a time for him as it is for her and to not take his distance personally.
Today was a good day. Everyone seemed to be in a pleasant mood most of the day, more so than usual.  The two littles had oatmeal for breakfast, one of their regular favorites. We can't call him a "little" any more. He's taller than I am. He usually passes on oatmeal, but when I asked if he wanted some, he said yes. I took a moment to enjoy the agreeable-ness (I need a better word). After breakfast, I gave him instructions for two chores. He did one. I asked if he did the other one and he quickly went and did it and upon completion, said, "Yes." I took another moment to enjoy the willing-ness. I gave him his school instructions. He took them and went to work. He brought me the completed work to check. I checked it, returned it to him for correction. He corrected it and brought it back. I thought, "Something is different today." Sarah wanted to go to the store to get some things for a recipe she had seen on Pinterest. He went with her. I gave him his "free money" portion of his allowance and instructed him to only spend $1 on candy related items. He came back with no candy related items. hmm. We ate dinner. Dad came home and we all went to the park. We did one lap around the pond. Sarah and I stopped to rest while the guys went to the playground. The 13 year old came back in a few minutes and plopped down right on my lap! I thought, "Something is very different. This is very unusual." I soaked it up, until my legs could no longer stand it. He moved to the spot next to me and leaned into me, sweaty and smelly, but I didn't care. I soaked up some more. hmm. We came home. Sarah and I cleaned up the dishes and dad read to the boys and put them to bed. He came into the kitchen and hugged me and said, "Night." I looked him in the eye and said, "I love you." He came back with, "luhya." or some similar mumble, and went to bed. Sarah said good night and went to bed. I was switching between Facebook and email, when the littles came in arguing about whatever conflict they were having since they went to bed. I sent one back to bed and the other to sit by the wall for a while. Not long after, the one little who I sent to bed and the 13 year old came in arguing about their conflict. By this time, I was almost completely frustrated. Why can't "Go to bed" mean "Go to bed, don't talk or play or fight. Just go to sleep."?? I said to them, "Go to bed. Don't talk or play or touch each other or do ANYTHING else. Just go to bed and go to sleep." When they'd had time to get to their room, I heard a thud hit the wall. The younger one came in crying and explaining what the thud was. That was it. I lost it. I was mad. I won't say that he didn't need what he got, but he didn't need it while I was angry. He ran into the bathroom. I followed him. I explained that I did not enjoy having to correct him in such a way and asked if he had a suggestion for how I should have handled it, still speaking in a loud voice with a tone of justification. He didn't. He didn't say anything else. I told him one more time to go to bed. He went. I tried to read, but couldn't focus. I thought about what a good day we had had, a day that seemed to be a turning point for me and this boy, and the moment that probably set us back considerably. I went to his room and stood at the door. He pulled the comforter over his head. I sat down on the bed. I was quiet for a few minutes. I didn't know if I could even get any words out, but I knew I had to say something. I knew he was awake. I said, "I should not have corrected you while I was angry. It sure didn't make me feel better. I feel a little sick. I hope you can forgive me." I got up and left the room. I came into the living room and sat down and cried for a while. When I am sad about one thing, I can think of a million other things to be sad about, too. I cried for all of them. I so want to be in touch with the hearts of my children. I have failed in that in so many ways. I need God's grace and mercy and I need to extend it to others as freely as He has to me. This makes me hate Satan more, if it's possible, because I know that he saw what a good day we were having and he schemed to ruin it, and I let him win, because I didn't recognize him at work. Whatever our weakness is, he knows just where to get us. I have to remember that God's strength is made perfect in my weakness, not my own, and not Satan's. When I am weak (angry), I need to step out of the way, push Satan back, and let God be in control. Why is humility so hard? It's one of the most admirable qualities a person can possess, yet so hard for me to take hold of. I seem to be getting lots of opportunities to practice it lately, so maybe practice will make perfect! Or maybe I need to write more... Pray for me, please.